This week we have ChapStick humor!

As far as I can tell, there are only 3 jokes about ChapStick:

1. Did you hear about the stupid guy who thought ChapStick was something cowboys use to glue on their pants?
2. Mick Jagger's lips are so big he applies ChapStick with a paint roller.
3. A duck walks into a 7-11 and asks for a tube of ChapStick.
The clerk asks, "Will that be cash or charge?"
The duck replies, "Put it on my bill!"

Of course, there's always:

Q: what's the difference between ChapStick and a suppository?
A: Well, if you don't know, I'll never send you out for a tube of ChapStick!

But then again, anything can be substituted forChapStick, so that's a ChapStick joke by default.


Does anybody know any other ChapStick jokes?

E-mail us at:

Here are a few of your responses:

Oscar Retch wrote:

Why did the chap-stick cross the road?
To smear waxy sebaceous matter across it so that car's would crash and it could steal their hubcaps.

+ ]<.
w. * j.
T. t k
J wrote:

What did King Kong say to the chapstick?
A;Do you know how to fly one of these things?

Q;Why did Richard Nixon Throw the chapstick out the window?
A;Because if he did'nt He would've been IMpeached!

A tube of chapstick walks into a bar... Yes?said the bar tender who was a blue elephant..The chapstick says in a Brittish accent "Give me a pint Goven'nr and so the blue elephant said a pint of what?and the chapstick says" A Pint of glue I've got mercades down the road with a smoking engine."

Knock Knock ?{who's there}"Chip" "oh come on in Chip! "........Stack!"Ho HA HA!

Sherlock Holms found a piece of Chapstick and examined it realy well and then he sniffed it and said "Oh my!this is the most magical lovly most refreshing smell I've ever smelled!It's a tropical rain forest and a field of fresh cherries all rolled into one!Meanwhile behind a dumpster , There is a chapstick pooper monster !!laughing like a Hyena!

Q; What did little bo peep say when she found a stick of chapstick in her curds and way?
A:"Oh! thee HUMANITY!!!!!!

Here's one from E3.5M:

Q: What did the Hunchback of Nortre Dame say to the woodpecker who was chasing the cricket who was carrying a tube of chapstick?
A: ":Hey! Give me back that chapstick, you cricket!"

Here's another, from annwr: warning! It's in poor taste!

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The townsman watched as he slowly dismounted and tied his horse to the rail outside the saloon.
The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of the horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine.
As he then walked by, the townsman had to comment. "I could help but notice you as you got off your horse. That's quite an unusual ritual."
"Yep," replied the cowboy. "I got me some bad chapped lips."
"And that cures them?" asked the townsman.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em."